What the FUCK is this shit?

Some bitch comes along and continues to ruin vampires, because Anne Rice didn't do a good enough fucking job. Meyer HAD NEVER READ A VAMPIRE NOVEL OR SEEN A VAMPIRE MOVIE BEFORE THIS. WHAT THE HOLY JESUS JUMPSHIT TAPDANCING CHRIST?!

So yeah now instead of sunlight being horrendously dangerous to vampires, and in fact a terrible method of execution, do you know what it does to them?

It makes them sparky and glow. It makes them SPARKLE and GLOW. VAMPIRES DO NOT GLOW IN THE FUCKING SUNLIGHT; THEY ARE NOT FAGGY LITTLE FAIRIES THAT FART RAINBOWS AND RIDE UNICORNS!

Jesus.

JESUS.

Anne Rice cut the balls off vampires. Stephanie Meyer then took those same balls, ground them into paste, and served them up on crackers. On a glittery plate.